Very funny video from Clarence at Streetfilms (NYC)
I'm sorry to hear that we're apparently at war with motorists and it's all our fault. This is disturbing. Some of my bestest friends drive cars and it saddens me that they may fall victim to a bicycle blitzkrieg. Perhaps there's a chance to avoid carmageddon if only we would all step away from our vehicles, let reason prevail, and admit we've been bad boys and girls.
So in as much as it's in our interest to maintain, er, attain, cordial relations with our cagebound colleagues of the road I propose that Toronto cyclists 'fess up. We should admit how we exploit the motoring masses into paying for our selfish privileges. It's only fair. Let's hoist the white flag, acknowledge culpability, pay penance, and work toward a better tomorrow for all.
Let me be the first to say sorry.
For, among other things, the wretched state of traffic in the GTA. And it truly is a mess. We cyclists are all sorry for clogging up the DVP, 401, 400 and Gardiner everyday. Who would've thought the effects of a single Critical Mass detour on the Gardiner and an annual parade of polyunsaturated pedallers on the DVP would reverberate through the remaining 360 odd days a year in a daily tide of carnage? Please accept our profound apologies: we really are sorry for you.
And we apologize for all those parked cars clogging downtown byways, snarling traffic and fraying tempers. All that public space devoted to the storage of private property when it could be freed up to smooth flow. What a pity, we're sorry about it.
And sorry too we can't can abide your wishes and "get off the road". See, if we leave the bike at home, get in the car, and join in your misery there would be yet another cager ahead of you in the traffic jam or vying for your parking spot or sucking up your litre of prehistoric sunlight. And that would only make you more sorry. Sorry you can't seem to figure that out.
Sorrysorrysorrysorrysorry. Ess. Oh. Argh. Argh. Why.
For the abysmal state of Toronto's streets as well. All those destructive 1/2 horsepower 12KG bicycles shred blacktop nothing like harmless 10 ton trucks with several hundred more ponies under the hood. That's why every spring the Martin Goodman Trail is a crater riddled Baghdad backstreet and the rest of TO's auto drags are smooth glassphalt. So apologies we're not as easy on the streets as you folks in the Escalades.
And apologies that our property taxes and the like pay for local roads -- NOT gasoline taxes (reserved for highways). You DON'T KNOW how sorry we are about that. And sorrier yet that we can't further subsidize freeloading four wheelers because two thirds of The Bankrupt Three are lining up for a several billion dollar pogie check. It's our fault not enough cars were sold to keep the assembly lines rolling. And my gridlocked friends, it's our fault too that so many were it stops you from rolling.
Désolé. Lo Siento. Saawwrrrreeee for this merciless campaign of autocide!!
For the outrageous cost of insurance and gas too! And what's gas now, a dollar a litre? Sorry, we don't pay attention, but we should because contrary to what everyone thinks it ain't those greedy Arabs that are to blame. Nor Big Oil, Peak Oil, or vegetable oil. It ain't even Mayor Miller and his left wing cabal. Pssst, can you handle the truth? It's the cyclists.
So sorry for that and all that driving amok resulting in extensive property damage, bodily injury, and abbreviated life spans -- all outcomes needing onerous bureaucracies to process. We plead guilty, it's our fault that bicycles tend to opposite, favourable, effects. So we're sorry about efforts that seek to penalize our efficiencies with automobile style overhead, ostensibly to pay for problems we don't create. We're sorry this doesn't make sense and sorry again for defending the absurdity that personal mobility can and should be cheap and accessible.
A supercalifragilisticexpialidocious sorry to ya all!
For greenhouse gasses, for nitrogen oxides, ground level ozone and for all those smog alerts. So sorry that we, with our stupid bike lanes -- all outrageous 95 KMs on 5,600 KMs worth of roads -- are keeping you all idling longer, belching all those noxious fumes. Now the polar icecaps are melting and it's all our fault. I do confess that last year a nacho propelled plume of methane escaped me while pedalling home from the Fox and the Fiddle on Danforth that is right now melting a glacier somewhere just south of Greenland. But drivers, as devastating as the aromatics of that emission were, I assure you that everyone, including yourselves, are sorrier still for your stench. You stink. Literally. And we're all sorry for it.
As we are for the morons on Jarvis and elsewhere who have the audacity to better their neighbourhoods. Dullards they are, they don't relish 27,000 cars racing by their front yards and schools daily -- sorry, no one does! Forgive them, they're not enlightened motorists that spend, what? all of 5 minutes speeding through, they actually live there. You know, pay taxes, vote, shop and sleep there.
Sorry to say these Luddites can't fathom how five lanes worth of motorized mayhem improves their quality of life, that they prefer less cars and less roadway and more trees, sidewalk, and, yeah, maybe more bicycles. We're sorry that these myopic imbeciles would like to reclaim a piece of their neighbourhood for themselves, not sacrifice it to the selfish indulgence of their CO spewing guests. And sorrier still that motorized transients should consider it the locals' obligation to sacrifice it.
Sorry...sorry...SORRY! For that and everything else. It's all our fault.
There. Can we now just all get along?
No? Sorry to hear it.
Then again, not really.
After reading more than 60 news articles in various news media (including one from Florida!), most of them inflamed with fierce language of war on the car, I was getting myself ready for anything that motorists would say to me in preparation for yesterday's Open House to discuss the extension of bike lanes on Rathburn Rd in Etobicoke, Toronto.
When I arrived, City staff were prepared to deal with the heavy questions of traffic studies, changes in average speed and traffic volumes, incursion, diversion, and other traffic concerns. I was prepared to defend the value of the investment in cycling infrastructure, and of these bike lanes in particular, and even to defend the whole bike plan.
I was the last of the public to arrive. 10 people had come and gone long before me. They were all supportive of the extension of the bike lanes on Rathburn. No objections, no second thoughts, no negotiations. Just a simple, "Oh! That's what you're doing. OK then, go ahead. That makes sense."
Why had staff and I come so well prepared? Because at last week's meeting for bike lanes on The Westway (also in Councillor Gloria Lindsay Luby's ward) there was severe opposition. A few of the people there had said they'd be warned that the "Bike lobby" was coming. And they were prepared. When they saw me coming they pointed their accusatory fingers at me and shouted "You! You're the 'Bike Lobby!'"
Yeah, that's me. I'm the "Bike Lobby" I've been found out. I'm the man behind the curtain. Now we can all tell Sue Ann Levy on whom we can lay all the blame for all of the madness at Silly Hall. It's all me. I'm the one that fills council chambers and committee rooms at city hall with cyclists all day long, and on week days. That's me. TCAT and Bike Union, sorry, but I've replaced you because I'm the "Bike Lobby" now. Angry residents at the meeting said so.
(Speaking of which, the next Public Works and Infrastructure Committee meeting is June 3rd at 9:30am in Committee Room 1. There are two important items on the agenda about bikes. The first item is about all of the bike lanes proposed so far this year, including the ones I'm discussing in this post. The second item is about changing the scope/focus/direction of the Bike Plan, including a proposal to hire external consultants to study Bike Lanes on Bloor into a coma, if not death.)
It was no surprise that the angry objectors largely took over the meeting last week, and used every irrational argument they could against the bike lanes; from increasing pollution, decreasing safety, and even having this imposed on their community without notice (the city's bike plan is how old now? The Westway was part of the plan from the start.), even raging against Mayor Millers "agenda." They also were railing against the bikes because it is too far to cycle to downtown as a regular commute; or because cycling is something "foreign" that only makes sense in the downtown and not in the suburbs; about cycling being only a seasonal pastime; and even about the costs of adding the bike lanes (they really seemed to be grasping at straws). A few of the attendees had legitimate concerns about parking; school drop off zones; conflicts from turning movements; lengths of left turn lanes; and the ability of the road to handle peak traffic demands. Staff were doing their best to explain the how they anticipated this, and how their design addressed or accommodated these concern to the best of their ability.
However, staff also had to bear some of the anger that filled the room. Their job is to answer questions about the plans and it's impacts; not to be verbally attacked for doing the job that "we" hired them to do. I felt bad for staff, and tried my best to offer myself as their target for this anger instead. After-all, I'm the "Bike Lobby."
I hate to say it, but I'm starting to find this anger amusing, and somewhat entertaining. I've long since learned to not take the yelling irrationally at me personally. So I didn't much mind being the target for this anger for evening. Besides, I'm the "Bike Lobby."
One of the people there even threatened to fight me "all the way to city hall." But as I'm the "Bike Lobby", whose power and influence in City Hall grows daily, I don't have to take his threat too seriously.
After all was said and done, about 30 people showed up for The Westway meeting last week. Roughly 10 people were in support, 15 people strongly opposed, the remaining five were indifferent or came by only to find out more about the plans.
So why the strong difference in opinion between the two meetings? I think that because Rathburn already had a segment of bike lane, and that the world didn't end when these were installed, it only makes sense to extend these bike lanes. Whereas for The Westway, the bike lanes are a novel and scary experience for these people, and I think that they were largely just having a knee jerk reaction against the unknown.
Monday is the last public house of this series. In Councillor Peter Milczyn's ward we'll be talking about putting bike lanes on The West Mall and -- get this -- Bloor Street! I'll be there. But I have to be -- because I'm the "Bike Lobby." Perhaps you'll be able to make it as well? I also enjoy talking to other cyclists, not just angry people who want to shout at me because I'm the "Bike Lobby."
I suspect that Monday's meeting will find at least some opposition, and again, largely because bike lanes are not yet known in the neighborhood, and it's the unknown simply scares people. The media may also fuel some tempers, or else add to people fears. The irrationality expressed could be quite entertaining. But I've been wrong before.
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